Friday, June 29, 2012
Lot, I've missed you.
My life is changing so fast and I feel like now's the time for an update.
For those of you who have loyally checked in with my blog, I apologize for my inactivity. I've finally finished classes for the summer, which now gives me plenty of time to stop in and write about my life and muses. I've become a bit of a Tumblr addict lately, but as far as sharing my adventures and thoughts, I've waited to post them here.
As crazy as it is to announce, I'm officially moving to the Golden State in 2 and a half weeks. The boy in question is coming along too. Who knew?
After my visit to California in April, I've been looking forward to this and trying to prep myself, but to be honest I've never felt more unprepared in all my life. I don't know how to feel or where to start. I'll be calling San Diego my home in a few short weeks and although I've been contemplating and planning this move for over a year now, it's just now dawning on me that I'm actually, truly, 100% moving to California and leaving Washington! It's bittersweet.
I had an opportunity to move to Seattle earlier in the year. I could have easily gone through with it, but I had to ask myself: "What's going to make me happy?" Washington is beautiful, but the NW coastal climate is gloomy, mossy, and wet. I'm from the dry, hot Eastern side of WA and I'd give anything to move back over there, but I don't have any friends or family there anymore. I'm at a place in my life where I need to make decisions based on what's best for me, regardless of what anyone else says or thinks. When I asked myself what's going to make me happy, I realized that I'm at my happiest when I'm in the sun. Washington is my home state and I'll always be connected to it, but I've been given a chance to try something new with my life and despite the uncertainties, I feel like San Diego is the right decision for me right now. It's time to get out of this dreary, rain-drenched existence and dive into the southwest. I'm extremely pumped to get out on my own, but I've never done anything like this before. It's a bit sad to say goodbye to my mom and my dog. It's going to be an internal hardship that I'll have to deal with when the time comes. But I'm ready to stand on my own two feet and face the world head on.
Good times are definitely on their way.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
There’s a feeling that’s been brewing inside me that I can almost taste....The feeling of reassurance. That no matter how rough things might get, everything will still be okay. The world is mine for the taking if I believe enough in myself.
I will be somebody. I already am somebody. No matter where I end up, who I end up with, or what I end up doing for a living, what matters is who I am inside and the way I see the world around me. I can either take the good things and mold them into my life, or I can take the bad things. And I choose the good things.
Never lose faith in yourself or the good things, because when something bad arises, something good is bound to be chasing right behind it.
There is so much that you should want for yourself.
I want to continue with school and become someone. But I also want to live.
I want to see and do all the things that I’ve dreamt of.
I want to be surrounded by people who like me; good friends.
I want to listen to thunderstorms.
I want to feel the sun.
I want to lay under the stars in the desert.
I want to stand barefoot in the red dirt at top of the Grand Canyon.
I want to write and discover new music.
I want to find what inspires me....and encourage everyone to do the same: To spread your arms out towards the sky and promise yourself the world. Even if what you promise seems impossible. Put faith into the notion that nothing is impossible.
This world has so much to offer. If you can just find it in yourself to reach out and grab it.
Maybe fate exists and maybe it doesn’t, but I believe that you make your life what it is.
So yes, you can wallow in despair and feel trapped by bills and unhappy work environments or people, or you can choose not to wallow: To chase after whatever makes you happy and not let anyone or anything stand in your way.
Because life is short and life is beautiful. And so many people decide not to see it; decide to live in self-loathing. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
There’s no rule that says you have to be miserable. You have the power to change your life; to change your future. And it all starts with how you view the things around you.
You can be mad at the world if you want, but why would you want to? Don’t waste the short time that you have here. Take advantage of it!
Swear your promises to the sky and keep them for yourself. And when you see a shooting star, don’t wish for money or fame. Wish to be happy! That’s the best thing anyone can ever want for themselves.
That’s what I want for myself. And that’s what I hope to find, out there somewhere.
I hope you try to find it too.
I woke up stronger than ever.
Driven by big waves of fire.
To run and yell all the way.
Nothing can hurt me today.
The world is waiting.
Just waiting, just waiting.
M83 - Steve McQueen